First month in, and already so much has happened! The year
started off wonderfully, and I could not believe how lucky I was. We picked up
our new doggy on the 5th of January. He is a rescue dog called
Stevie, and I honestly love him with my whole heart. I have always wanted a
dog, and as much as I love animals, I didn’t realise how much love you could
have for one little four-legged creature until now. I am so happy that him and
his waggy tail are there for me when I’m sad or anxious, and taking him for
walks is so therapeutic.
As much
as circumstances were brilliant at the beginning of the year, this was tainted
by a lot of anxiety. I now only have around 4 months left of school, which is
exciting, but also terrifying, as my exams in Summer will determine whether I
get into my first choice university or not. I’ve been working my ass off,
whilst juggling a lot of anxiety and depression, which has been one of the most
difficult things I’ve ever had to do.
On the
subject of mental health, I actually got my act together a bit. After meaning
to for around a year, I finally went to the doctor’s about my mental health,
and have been referred for some therapy, which I am so thankful for. I received
therapy when I was younger – I actually got discharged exactly three years ago!
– and found it very helpful to just talk to someone and have an outsider’s
perspective on my life and my troubles. It doesn’t seem to me like a failure to
have to go back, I feel proud of myself for being brave enough to do it, and
I’m so excited to receive the help I so desperately need.
In order
to take care of myself better and to really work for the grades I need, I made
the decision this month to hand in my notice at work. I’ve been in the same job
for two years and absolutely love it, but losing a day every week that could be
spent sleeping and/or doing school work was causing a lot of stress, which was
detrimental to my health. Although I love earning my own money, it’s a
sacrifice I’ve had to make for myself, and again, I am proud of myself for
being brave enough to do what I know is right for me.
Excitingly,
I turned 18 this month! My friends and family helped make the day super special,
and celebrating it with all the people I care about made me feel so lucky. To
everyone I saw either on my birthday or at my party, I fucking love you and am
glad to have you in my life. Having my birthday slap bang in the middle of the
month was actually perfect for me, as it allowed me to get my head off all the
things that were worrying or stressing me and just have fun.
Honestly,
this month has been super difficult, and I’ve hit some absolute lows, but
luckily, I feel more equipped than I ever have done to cope with my negative
thoughts and feelings. Spending time
with friends and family, reading, writing and taking Stevie for walks are all
things that have made me feel more like myself. 2019 has been rocky so far, and
I definitely had some 2018 issues seep through the stroke of midnight which had
promised so much change. I’m making changes in my life that have been long
overdue, and I’m giving myself the time and love I deserve. Bring on February x
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