Male Mental Health - Part 2
In my last blog post I shared the set of answers I received for the first 5 questions I asked a group of males on social media concerning male mental health. Here are the answers I received for the final 5 questions.
*most answers have been cut down*
Why do you think suicide is the biggest killer
of young men?
“I think because a lot of people can’t see a future where
they work. Nothing they do really fits in with the stereotype and being
different is incredibly difficult and taxing. For me personally I don’t want to
fit in with the normal status quo of working 9-5. However men are told as well
as instinctively more likely to want to protect and provide and overstretch
themselves to make shit happen. Eventually we break down because we cant talk
to anyone.”
“because as less men talk about their feelings, they bottle
it up and unless they open up to someone else, it will reflect on themselves”
“because in our society, even now it’s considered unmanly to
express your emotions and to keep it bottled up. It’s more masculine to just
deal with it and preoccupy your mind with something else. But it’ll catch up on
you.”
“I think there’s still more pressure for men to be making
money, and economic reasons tie into a lack of support networks for younger
men.”
“I think people’s addictions get the better of them.
Gambling is a huge issue that isn’t focused on enough I feel. So many guys get
themselves into horrible debt in horrible places through gambling, and its
easier to end it than talk. My suicidal thoughts came from a sense of
worthlessness and the break down of romantic relationships, professional
identity at work and financial situations. It became too much and there feels
like there’s no way out from it. I think there needs to be more support for
people that need help financially. Burying your head in the sand is dangerous,
and I feel like a lot of young men do that.”
“I feel like people just expect men to be able to handle
everything and so most men suffering with suicidal thoughts feel like they
don’t have anyone to go to.”
“because of the connotations associated with masculinity and
being “strong” and “manning up””
“because things like that are more commonly taken seriously
in women”
“It’s simply because men are too scared about their feelings
in an attempt to look strong and show not a single sign of weakness.”
“Men being confused with their identity and lacking
direction in life.”
“Many people feel that there is no outlet for what they
feel. Their friends think it's all a big joke and people spiral to the point
where they feel like they cant take it anymore.”
“I think its because of all the pressure and stress that no
one else sees because of the mask that young men adopt for themselves. When it
all crashes for them they feel even more isolated as they do not want to give
up their masculinity to seek help.”
“I think because girls are more likely to confront their
issues openly and realise if they’re feeling really terrible about stuff its
something deeper. A male is more likely to suppress the idea of suffering from
depression and anxiety, thinking its too rare for him to be suffering from. A
guy will deal with the problem by leaving it and torturing himself until he
feels there is no other solution.”
“the pressures of masculinity paired with the growing
pressure on teens are both things that boys grow up with and are to a certain
extent ingrained into who they are and become harder to escape.”
“I think most of it is probably
because, whether the stereotype is true or false, men still feel an enormous
pressure to at least be capable of providing in life. Young people do stupid
things, in combination with the fact that the late teens - young adult age
is when people first properly start to think about their place in the world are
likely the two largest driving factors.”
“Men fear amounting to nothing in life,
everyone does. Men are also expected to be mental punching bags a lot of the
time and there is still a huge stigma to talk publicly about that. This
stereotype isn’t objectively bad, a lot of men go through hard times and come
out stronger than they were before mentally, but people and men are different
in a lot of different ways. Suicide is often seen as a twisted sort of way to
take back control or make a difference to someone else’s life and in that way
young men could see it as a means to finally amount to something.”
“From my experience, my overall
desire to be a man played a part in how I was feeling.”
What do you think are the stereotypes around men
and mental health?
“men don’t have feelings. Nothing bothers us that much. We
don’t cry in public so people cant see what is really affecting us. I also
think its embarrassing for guys to go to counselling.”
“men shouldn’t talk about mental health and that if you do
you’re sensitive and less masculine.”
“the stereotypes are mixed. You can be seen as weak to speak
up about your mental health, or you can be seen as just an attention seeker.
Because apparently men shouldn’t have emotions as it’s seen as “ladylike””.
“I think there’s a stereotype that only a certain type of
man can be mentally unwell. You have to be rich enough to afford the time to be
mentally unwell.”
“I honestly feel like male mental health has made a lot of
progress. There’s a lot of presence on social media which is great, but I still
don’t feel comfortable enough to talk. There is still stereotypes that men
should just get on with it and man up, and I think that’s toxic.”
“I feel that some of the stereotypes are that men can just
deal with everything placed against them and that men don’t experience major
mental health issues, or if they do, they can just deal with it.”
“the obvious stereotype of being a “man” and all the things
like “boys cant cry” and “just be a man” and all of that shit”
“men are stronger mentally so can just “get over it””
“A massive stereotype would be that men don’t want to share
their feelings because they see mental health problems as a weakness”
“the stereotype is that men do not discuss their mental
health issues”
“If you feel anything you’re automatically perceived as
weak. You shouldn’t cry. It’s not okay.”
“I think the obvious one is the idea that men do not suffer
from mental illnesses.”
“I think the idea of manning up over certain issues is
common, which may work for some people suffering from mental health issues but
for others it’ll lead to feelings of inferiority and deteriorate their mental
health. I think also a male would find it a lot harder to express to a GP
feelings of depression etc. and when it came to the meeting would change the
subject because he’d feel stupid for believing he could suffer from an issue.”
“men should be able to deal with it on their own without
help because being that strong, independent rock is what we are needed to be
when raising a family. The stereotype is changing the more it’s challenged.”
“The well-known stereotype that men
should be to just deal with their problems is definitely prevalent. I often
feel guilty when I talk to people about problems in my personal life because I
feel as if I’m forcing someone else to deal with issues that are mine and not
theirs, even if they’re happy to help.”
Do you think masculinity can be toxic? Why?
“Yes. Of course. Fights happen
because of it. You lose friends and disappoint people.”
“Masculinity can be toxic,
especially the connection between different generations.”
“Masculinity now is completely
fragile and toxic. The amount of shaming towards feminine men, how “oh you don’t act gay” is considered a
compliment because being/acting gay is not an accepting thing and in actual
fact comes across misogynistic….I was insulted by being called “girly””.
“Masculinity is fragile, because
no one is comfortable enough in their own gender or sexuality enough and
there’s always a standard that can never be reached because it’s far too
demanding of something to create men into monsters who are heartless, careless,
hateful and sad.”
“Men who are forced into this box
of masculinity are not able to care or feel strongly enough which causes them
to burst out either by harm or suicide. They’re not taught how to deal with
their feeling properly and it upsets me to see men go through this and them
thinking it’s a perfectly normal thing when it’s not.”
“I don’t know if masculinity in
itself is toxic, but some masculine traits are.”
“I think toxic masculinity gets
really twisted. Toxic masculinity to me is not feeling like I can do or say
something because I’m a guy.”
“I wouldn’t say toxic, because there are some parts of
masculinity that are good, but I do say that some parts of it can be bad for
some.”
“Masculinity is nothing but toxic.”
“No. It’s a natural thing and it’s the people that are
toxic, not masculinity or femininity.”
“Definitely. Masculinity can prevent men from opening up
which leads them to feeling like they cant talk to anyone. Masculinity dictates
men to take control of everything when they aren’t in control, and this can
lead to violence.”
“I don’t think masculinity can be toxic, I think masculinity
should be embraced as it is a natural part of being human.”
“Definitely. It often makes people feel like they cant fully
express themselves. It can lead to unnecessary conflict where male pride gets
in the way and people think they cant talk it out an get to the bottom of the
emotions of a situation. But it doesn’t always have to be. You can have
masculinity but if you don’t let it control you completely then it doesn’t have
to cause any issues at all.”
“Masculinity can definitely be toxic for a lot of young men
but I personally believe it has a lot of positives for men when they can
express it through different outlets like sport. However, there is a massive
inbetween for this as a lot of men do need to be masculine mentally to cope,
but also need to be able to express stuff, which is considered feminine.”
“I know for a fact masculinity can be toxic because too much
of anything is bad a for a person. When it’s a state of mind it is internally
and externally detrimental to your wellbeing and the wellbeing of others around
you.”
“Masculinity can definitely be
toxic because it’s easy for a certain group of people in this case, men, to act
on things they have observed, consciously or unconsciously, about another group
of people in general, in this case, women which can be and are victims of this.
Likewise, femininity can definitely be toxic and in many cases it’s almost or
is acceptable for femininity to be just as, if not more toxic. The same could
be said for any two groups which society as a whole view to be in opposition
because they are based on generalisations. “
“I think toxic masculinity is used
as a vague, blanket term and has often been used in a sexist manor. More often
than not the person being accused of having “toxic masculinity” is just a toxic
person for whatever reason, justified or not. It’s one of many terms which is
commonly used to generalise the behaviour of a group of people to hide other
issues associated with that group.”
What do you think can happen to change the way
that society views masculinity and male mental health?
“It’s kinda set in stone due to how long its been the same
but I know there are helplines dedicated to young men suffering with depression
and other mental health issues so that’s a start. I had counselling and none of
my friends knew but they knew something had happened because I was feeling 10x
better every week.”
“I think it can change as we get older. People could see
that being open is okay and should be supported.”
“What we can do is prevent misogyny and misandry to all
genders, be more open to express feelings from the inside, stop stigma against
mental health, be more accepting of others, love yourself and others around
you, know your worth and everyone can live and express everything carefree to
help yourself and others. Who knows, maybe you speaking up about mental health
can inspire other to open about theirs. It just takes one person to start a
movement.”
“it needs to stop being viewed as a sickness suffered by
lonely, isolated individuals. People need identity and jobs, they need to feel
appreciated and the problem is that the modern world isn’t set up to
accommodate that sort of thing. We need better localised support networks,
better budgeting for the NHS, active destigmatization of mental health amongst
men and we need to move over to a more compassionate care based societal
model.”
“I honestly think that no significant progress can be made
in the millennial generations and backwards. I think it’s something new that
needs to be introduced into the new generations to come.”
“I feel like men’s mental health could be promoted in the
media more to remove any stigma surrounding men’s mental health.”
“I can’t see it ever changing. Too many ignorant people who
refused to open their minds up to education.”
“make it more mainstream and inform more people that it can
affect everyone regardless of gender”
“It must be seen as good for men to share their feelings or
problems and that its actually stronger and braver to comfort your problems
rather than run away from them and ignore them”
“I think the main thing that needs to change is the idea of
working beyond your capacity needs to be stopped but this applies to all
genders. I believe overworking is the reason for most people’s unhappiness.”
“I’m honestly not sure. The only thing we can do is teach
future generations that they can have emotions and not shut them down or make
fun of them when they express themselves. But it is so deeply ingrained in our
society that this is going to be a struggle.”
“When more men begin opening up about their mental health,
it will become more of the norm which will encourage others to do so. It’s
something that will just come eventually I think.”
“I think a lot of mental health charities get men to talk
about it by saying there's a manly depression and then there's different
depression so men don’t get embarrassed to admit it. I don’t know how positive
this is though because I feel like other issues like self harm will always be
seen as issues men can’t suffer from and this attitude to get men to talk about
it will isolate further those suffering from other issues like anxiety. I feel like
other issues like self harm will always be seen as issues men can’t suffer from
and this attitude to get men to talk about it will isolate further those
suffering from other issues like anxiety which will continue to be seen as
female issues.”
“I think there needs to be a greater effort for men to be
able to deal with all issues because ultimately feelings of suicide can happen
to both sexes and men need to realise it doesn’t have to be a final and they
can be suffering from a range of different issues.”
“All that needs to happen is conversation. Challenging a
widely held belief can go a long way for yourself and others whether they agree
or not.”
“I think the only positive change
for views on masculinity is to accept that masculinity means different things
to different men. Now, more than ever women have an objectively powerful voice
in our society, the idea that masculinity Is something to purely impress women
is an idea which seems to have come along with that which, really isn’t the
case and, this contributes to this idea of a broad and vague term for
“masculinity”. Male mental health problems are mental health problems with that
man's meaning of masculinity thrown into the mix so to deal with male mental
health problems, it’s important to realise that this man will have his own idea
of masculinity and take that into account when helping him as an individual,
not just a man.”
Any final comments?
“A lot of people don’t help themselves which is really sad.
We turn to easy options like drinking instead of taking the hard route to fix
the problem at the source.”
“You shouldn’t have to be masculine to be a man, just be
yourself.”
“Femininity is not something to be ashamed of, be
comfortable in yourself, know you’re never alone to express your feelings, you
don’t even have to see a fully trained doctor/therapist, even talking to a
friend or someone in your family or even a total stranger can help open
emotions you never thought you had. The more you speak about it, the easier
it’ll get. I know me speaking out on my experiences is helping me now.”
“Only a radical solution will change our current mental
health crisis.”
“Masculinity is a myth.”
“This topic needs to be talked about. People are getting
hurt because of society’s views on what men should and shouldn’t feel and
that’s not okay.”
“The conversation about male mental
health is only just starting to open up and needs its own due time to be
recognized. Contradictorily, I think the best way to address masculinity and
its perceived problems both to men and women is to recognize the people
affected as individuals and again, not just men. It’s always the
generalisations that cause the problems.”
-Throughout this process, I've discovered that I'm probably guilty of being ignorant towards male mental health, whether that be assuming men have it easy or being frustrated within friendships and relationships. I always knew that male mental health was an issue, but I never realised how until now. The messages I received regarding the topic allowed me to find a level of respect for men that I honestly didn't have before. There is economic and social pressure, as well as pressure in many other walks of life. Many boys feel they have to internalise these feelings in order to appear strong, but we've got our stereotypes and our expectations entirely wrong. It's okay to cry, and it's okay to want change. We all do.
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