Male Mental Health - Part 2

   Male Mental Health - Part 2

In  my last blog post I shared the set of answers I received for the first 5 questions I asked a group of males on social media concerning male mental health. Here are the answers I received for the final 5 questions.

*most answers have been cut down*

Why do you think suicide is the biggest killer of young men?

“I think because a lot of people can’t see a future where they work. Nothing they do really fits in with the stereotype and being different is incredibly difficult and taxing. For me personally I don’t want to fit in with the normal status quo of working 9-5. However men are told as well as instinctively more likely to want to protect and provide and overstretch themselves to make shit happen. Eventually we break down because we cant talk to anyone.”

“because as less men talk about their feelings, they bottle it up and unless they open up to someone else, it will reflect on themselves”

“because in our society, even now it’s considered unmanly to express your emotions and to keep it bottled up. It’s more masculine to just deal with it and preoccupy your mind with something else. But it’ll catch up on you.”

“I think there’s still more pressure for men to be making money, and economic reasons tie into a lack of support networks for younger men.”

“I think people’s addictions get the better of them. Gambling is a huge issue that isn’t focused on enough I feel. So many guys get themselves into horrible debt in horrible places through gambling, and its easier to end it than talk. My suicidal thoughts came from a sense of worthlessness and the break down of romantic relationships, professional identity at work and financial situations. It became too much and there feels like there’s no way out from it. I think there needs to be more support for people that need help financially. Burying your head in the sand is dangerous, and I feel like a lot of young men do that.”

“I feel like people just expect men to be able to handle everything and so most men suffering with suicidal thoughts feel like they don’t have anyone to go to.”

“because of the connotations associated with masculinity and being “strong” and “manning up””

“because things like that are more commonly taken seriously in women”

“It’s simply because men are too scared about their feelings in an attempt to look strong and show not a single sign of weakness.”

“Men being confused with their identity and lacking direction in life.”

“Many people feel that there is no outlet for what they feel. Their friends think it's all a big joke and people spiral to the point where they feel like they cant take it anymore.”

“I think its because of all the pressure and stress that no one else sees because of the mask that young men adopt for themselves. When it all crashes for them they feel even more isolated as they do not want to give up their masculinity to seek help.”

“I think because girls are more likely to confront their issues openly and realise if they’re feeling really terrible about stuff its something deeper. A male is more likely to suppress the idea of suffering from depression and anxiety, thinking its too rare for him to be suffering from. A guy will deal with the problem by leaving it and torturing himself until he feels there is no other solution.”

“the pressures of masculinity paired with the growing pressure on teens are both things that boys grow up with and are to a certain extent ingrained into who they are and become harder to escape.”

“I think most of it is probably because, whether the stereotype is true or false, men still feel an enormous pressure to at least be capable of providing in life. Young people do stupid things, in combination with the fact that the late teens - young adult age is when people first properly start to think about their place in the world are likely the two largest driving factors.”

 “Men fear amounting to nothing in life, everyone does. Men are also expected to be mental punching bags a lot of the time and there is still a huge stigma to talk publicly about that. This stereotype isn’t objectively bad, a lot of men go through hard times and come out stronger than they were before mentally, but people and men are different in a lot of different ways. Suicide is often seen as a twisted sort of way to take back control or make a difference to someone else’s life and in that way young men could see it as a means to finally amount to something.”

“From my experience, my overall desire to be a man played a part in how I was feeling.”

 What do you think are the stereotypes around men and mental health?

“men don’t have feelings. Nothing bothers us that much. We don’t cry in public so people cant see what is really affecting us. I also think its embarrassing for guys to go to counselling.”

“men shouldn’t talk about mental health and that if you do you’re sensitive and less masculine.”

“the stereotypes are mixed. You can be seen as weak to speak up about your mental health, or you can be seen as just an attention seeker. Because apparently men shouldn’t have emotions as it’s seen as “ladylike””.

“I think there’s a stereotype that only a certain type of man can be mentally unwell. You have to be rich enough to afford the time to be mentally unwell.”

“I honestly feel like male mental health has made a lot of progress. There’s a lot of presence on social media which is great, but I still don’t feel comfortable enough to talk. There is still stereotypes that men should just get on with it and man up, and I think that’s toxic.”

“I feel that some of the stereotypes are that men can just deal with everything placed against them and that men don’t experience major mental health issues, or if they do, they can just deal with it.”

“the obvious stereotype of being a “man” and all the things like “boys cant cry” and “just be a man” and all of that shit”

“men are stronger mentally so can just “get over it””

“A massive stereotype would be that men don’t want to share their feelings because they see mental health problems as a weakness”

“the stereotype is that men do not discuss their mental health issues”

“If you feel anything you’re automatically perceived as weak. You shouldn’t cry. It’s not okay.”

“I think the obvious one is the idea that men do not suffer from mental illnesses.”

“I think the idea of manning up over certain issues is common, which may work for some people suffering from mental health issues but for others it’ll lead to feelings of inferiority and deteriorate their mental health. I think also a male would find it a lot harder to express to a GP feelings of depression etc. and when it came to the meeting would change the subject because he’d feel stupid for believing he could suffer from an issue.”

“men should be able to deal with it on their own without help because being that strong, independent rock is what we are needed to be when raising a family. The stereotype is changing the more it’s challenged.”

“The well-known stereotype that men should be to just deal with their problems is definitely prevalent. I often feel guilty when I talk to people about problems in my personal life because I feel as if I’m forcing someone else to deal with issues that are mine and not theirs, even if they’re happy to help.”

 Do you think masculinity can be toxic? Why?

“Yes. Of course. Fights happen because of it. You lose friends and disappoint people.”

“Masculinity can be toxic, especially the connection between different generations.”

“Masculinity now is completely fragile and toxic. The amount of shaming towards feminine men, how  “oh you don’t act gay” is considered a compliment because being/acting gay is not an accepting thing and in actual fact comes across misogynistic….I was insulted by being called “girly””.

“Masculinity is fragile, because no one is comfortable enough in their own gender or sexuality enough and there’s always a standard that can never be reached because it’s far too demanding of something to create men into monsters who are heartless, careless, hateful and sad.”

“Men who are forced into this box of masculinity are not able to care or feel strongly enough which causes them to burst out either by harm or suicide. They’re not taught how to deal with their feeling properly and it upsets me to see men go through this and them thinking it’s a perfectly normal thing when it’s not.”

“I don’t know if masculinity in itself is toxic, but some masculine traits are.”

“I think toxic masculinity gets really twisted. Toxic masculinity to me is not feeling like I can do or say something because I’m a guy.”

“I wouldn’t say toxic, because there are some parts of masculinity that are good, but I do say that some parts of it can be bad for some.”

“Masculinity is nothing but toxic.”

“No. It’s a natural thing and it’s the people that are toxic, not masculinity or femininity.”

“Definitely. Masculinity can prevent men from opening up which leads them to feeling like they cant talk to anyone. Masculinity dictates men to take control of everything when they aren’t in control, and this can lead to violence.”

“I don’t think masculinity can be toxic, I think masculinity should be embraced as it is a natural part of being human.”

“Definitely. It often makes people feel like they cant fully express themselves. It can lead to unnecessary conflict where male pride gets in the way and people think they cant talk it out an get to the bottom of the emotions of a situation. But it doesn’t always have to be. You can have masculinity but if you don’t let it control you completely then it doesn’t have to cause any issues at all.”

“Masculinity can definitely be toxic for a lot of young men but I personally believe it has a lot of positives for men when they can express it through different outlets like sport. However, there is a massive inbetween for this as a lot of men do need to be masculine mentally to cope, but also need to be able to express stuff, which is considered feminine.”

“I know for a fact masculinity can be toxic because too much of anything is bad a for a person. When it’s a state of mind it is internally and externally detrimental to your wellbeing and the wellbeing of others around you.”

“Masculinity can definitely be toxic because it’s easy for a certain group of people in this case, men, to act on things they have observed, consciously or unconsciously, about another group of people in general, in this case, women which can be and are victims of this. Likewise, femininity can definitely be toxic and in many cases it’s almost or is acceptable for femininity to be just as, if not more toxic. The same could be said for any two groups which society as a whole view to be in opposition because they are based on generalisations. “

“I think toxic masculinity is used as a vague, blanket term and has often been used in a sexist manor. More often than not the person being accused of having “toxic masculinity” is just a toxic person for whatever reason, justified or not. It’s one of many terms which is commonly used to generalise the behaviour of a group of people to hide other issues associated with that group.”

     What do you think can happen to change the way that society views masculinity and male mental health?

“It’s kinda set in stone due to how long its been the same but I know there are helplines dedicated to young men suffering with depression and other mental health issues so that’s a start. I had counselling and none of my friends knew but they knew something had happened because I was feeling 10x better every week.”

“I think it can change as we get older. People could see that being open is okay and should be supported.”

“What we can do is prevent misogyny and misandry to all genders, be more open to express feelings from the inside, stop stigma against mental health, be more accepting of others, love yourself and others around you, know your worth and everyone can live and express everything carefree to help yourself and others. Who knows, maybe you speaking up about mental health can inspire other to open about theirs. It just takes one person to start a movement.”

“it needs to stop being viewed as a sickness suffered by lonely, isolated individuals. People need identity and jobs, they need to feel appreciated and the problem is that the modern world isn’t set up to accommodate that sort of thing. We need better localised support networks, better budgeting for the NHS, active destigmatization of mental health amongst men and we need to move over to a more compassionate care based societal model.”

“I honestly think that no significant progress can be made in the millennial generations and backwards. I think it’s something new that needs to be introduced into the new generations to come.”

“I feel like men’s mental health could be promoted in the media more to remove any stigma surrounding men’s mental health.”

“I can’t see it ever changing. Too many ignorant people who refused to open their minds up to education.”

“make it more mainstream and inform more people that it can affect everyone regardless of gender”

“It must be seen as good for men to share their feelings or problems and that its actually stronger and braver to comfort your problems rather than run away from them and ignore them”

“I think the main thing that needs to change is the idea of working beyond your capacity needs to be stopped but this applies to all genders. I believe overworking is the reason for most people’s unhappiness.”

“I’m honestly not sure. The only thing we can do is teach future generations that they can have emotions and not shut them down or make fun of them when they express themselves. But it is so deeply ingrained in our society that this is going to be a struggle.”

“When more men begin opening up about their mental health, it will become more of the norm which will encourage others to do so. It’s something that will just come eventually I think.”

“I think a lot of mental health charities get men to talk about it by saying there's a manly depression and then there's different depression so men don’t get embarrassed to admit it. I don’t know how positive this is though because I feel like other issues like self harm will always be seen as issues men can’t suffer from and this attitude to get men to talk about it will isolate further those suffering from other issues like anxiety. I feel like other issues like self harm will always be seen as issues men can’t suffer from and this attitude to get men to talk about it will isolate further those suffering from other issues like anxiety which will continue to be seen as female issues.”

“I think there needs to be a greater effort for men to be able to deal with all issues because ultimately feelings of suicide can happen to both sexes and men need to realise it doesn’t have to be a final and they can be suffering from a range of different issues.”

“All that needs to happen is conversation. Challenging a widely held belief can go a long way for yourself and others whether they agree or not.”

“I think the only positive change for views on masculinity is to accept that masculinity means different things to different men. Now, more than ever women have an objectively powerful voice in our society, the idea that masculinity Is something to purely impress women is an idea which seems to have come along with that which, really isn’t the case and, this contributes to this idea of a broad and vague term for “masculinity”. Male mental health problems are mental health problems with that man's meaning of masculinity thrown into the mix so to deal with male mental health problems, it’s important to realise that this man will have his own idea of masculinity and take that into account when helping him as an individual, not just a man.”

      Any final comments?

“A lot of people don’t help themselves which is really sad. We turn to easy options like drinking instead of taking the hard route to fix the problem at the source.”

“You shouldn’t have to be masculine to be a man, just be yourself.”

“Femininity is not something to be ashamed of, be comfortable in yourself, know you’re never alone to express your feelings, you don’t even have to see a fully trained doctor/therapist, even talking to a friend or someone in your family or even a total stranger can help open emotions you never thought you had. The more you speak about it, the easier it’ll get. I know me speaking out on my experiences is helping me now.”

“Only a radical solution will change our current mental health crisis.”

“Masculinity is a myth.”

“This topic needs to be talked about. People are getting hurt because of society’s views on what men should and shouldn’t feel and that’s not okay.”

“The conversation about male mental health is only just starting to open up and needs its own due time to be recognized. Contradictorily, I think the best way to address masculinity and its perceived problems both to men and women is to recognize the people affected as individuals and again, not just men. It’s always the generalisations that cause the problems.”

-Throughout this process, I've discovered that I'm probably guilty of being ignorant towards male mental health, whether that be assuming men have it easy or being frustrated within friendships and relationships. I always knew that male mental health was an issue, but I never realised how until now. The messages I received regarding the topic allowed me to find a level of respect for men that I honestly didn't have before. There is economic and social pressure, as well as pressure in many other walks of life. Many boys feel they have to internalise these feelings in order to appear strong, but we've got our stereotypes and our expectations entirely wrong. It's okay to cry, and it's okay to want change. We all do.