EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED:
Night Sweats:
Disgusted is the only word I can think of to explain the feeling when night after night I was waking up covered in my own cold sweat. My bed sheets would be soaking wet and I would be freezing cold. It would get so bad that it would often wake me in the night...it was a pain in the ass. After some research, I discovered that this is what can happen to your body when your metabolism starts working properly again. This is highly common in eating disorder recovery and is a signal of hyper-metabolism. For me, this only lasted for the first couple of weeks of recovery, however this of course may vary for others. The best advice I can give is to be prepared. If you live with other people, let them know what is happening to your body and maybe do some research on the subject together, as this will likely be something that is new to you all. Quite frankly, the only thing you can really do is get on with it. Make sure that you have clean bedsheets ready, should you need to change them in the middle of the night, so that you can change them as quickly as possible and disturb your sleep as little as possible. Sleep in loose and comfortable clothing. Remember that this is a positive sign that your body is starting to recover!Second Puberty
Another one you might not have known even existed. Puberty is shit, and it's shit when it happens to you twice. For the people with vaginas, if you lost your period during your eating disorder (as I did for around 10 months), you will get your "first period" again. Your period is one of the first things that will go when you lose weight as your body will automatically shut down this system as a way of survival. I didn't get my period back until around 2 months into recovery, despite the fact that I had gained weight quickly. Your body just has to adjust again! Either way, be ready with painkillers and sanitary products as your period could come back at any time. As part of recovery, as well as eating more, I had to give up exercise to put as little strain as possible on my body as it recovered. As well as the period, I got my bad skin back. This is another normal part of puberty that I had to experience yet again. Much of this couldn't be controlled as it was hormonal but drinking lots of water and having a good skincare routine obviously helps! The most exciting part of second puberty however, was getting my boobs back!
Bloating
As you start reintroducing more food into your diet, bloating is a highly likely consequence. This is mainly because your body won't be able to digest food as quickly as it could before. Although this can be very uncomfortable, don't hate your food baby! The best bloating advice I can give is to use a hot water bottle when you feel discomfort, and to always wear loose, comfortable clothing.
Extreme Hunger
I have mentioned this in my previous blog posts, and it remains the hardest part of recovery for me. I will do a separate post about this in more detail, but my best advice in terms of dealing with it, is to just accept it. Make sure you have plenty of food accessible to you. Don't worry about eating lots of junk food or food with high sugar content as after your body has been starved, this is most likely what it will crave. Listen to your body, as it is actually trying to help you. Although I feel that this is something a person cannot understand until they have experienced it firsthand, I recommend trying to have conversations with people that you spend a lot of time with about it. Time and time again I tried to explain it to my friends and family and they just never seemed to get it. Do your research on it so that you can understand it more in order to help other people understand. In my recovery, I also became very self conscious as people started to become aware of the amount that I was eating, but it is crucial to remember that those closest to you would rather you ate endlessly than starved yourself into illness. As horrible as extreme hunger is, I think it is the main thing that stopped me from relapsing. I physically could not restrict my food intake anymore as my body felt like it was screaming out for food in a way I could not ignore, and it made me not want to relapse as I knew that if I did, I would be back at square one with extreme hunger. It's uncomfortable and it's terrifying but it does gradually get better.
Weight distribution
All my weight went to my face and stomach. I'm not kidding. This was a very obvious and very quick change to the way I looked. My face had gone from being gaunt and lifeless to being plump and round. My stomach went from being pulled tight around my hip bones and barely concealing my ribs to me genuinely looking kinda pregnant. As I said, this change was fast and difficult to adjust to. Again, the best advice I can give is to just wear loose, comfortable clothing. Your weight will automatically go to your stomach as this is where your organs like your liver and intestines are. All 'fat' will go there in order to protect your organs. With a lot of my weight going to my face, I felt self conscious as this was a change that was very visible to other people. In this case, it is important to remember that you are on your own journey and no one else dare criticise the way you look in the face of bravery.
OTHER ADVICE:
Don't weight yourselfA massive part of an eating disorder can often be obsessing over numbers. Don't give in to this - if you are in recovery you need to let go of this obsession, and your weight is just another number you don't need to worry about. You need to let go of the control that you have over your body and allow it to do what it needs to do to repair and heal itself. You will need to gain weight in order to become healthy again, and that is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Don't count calories
Calories are also another number you don't need to worry about! Whilst it is worth asking another person to overlook your food intake to make sure that you are eating enough to allow your body to recover, you shouldn't be trying to control or restrict your intake anymore. Unfortunately, during an eating disorder you do tend to memorise the amounts of calories in certain foods. Stop looking at packets to see the amount of calories, ask other people to cook meals for you and eat food for the nutrition it will give to your body - not the amount of calories in it. Delete any calorie counting apps from your phone - they just get too tempting! It might even be a good idea to just not go on your phone will you are eating to allow yourself to actually enjoy the meal.
Distract yourself after mealtime
This is the sort of time you might start thinking about calories or feeling guilt or feeling like exercising or purging. These are not the thoughts that will lead you to recovery, and if you want to recover you have to change your thought pattern. After a meal, watch a TV programme or read a book or call a friend. Anything that can stop you from having these destructive thoughts can be beneficial.
Meal Plan
This can help, but don't obsess over it! This may give you a good opportunity to eat with your friends or family, but bear in mind that your body may need more food to recover, and so you may need to eat bigger portions. Don't be afraid to talk to people about this and don't be ashamed! In terms of meal planning, I think it's best to create a loose plan, and not to get annoyed at yourself if you don't stick to it. Furthermore, make your meal plan as a minimum of what you will eat, not a maximum. Eat what's on your meal plan but don't be scared to have seconds or snacks in between!
Eat regularly
An eating routine that worked well for me was breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, night snack. Eating regularly can help get your body used to digesting food properly again, and can give you some structure to help you start eating 'normally' again. Whether you eat every hour or every three hours, having regular meals and snacks can be so helpful!
Enjoy food!
This is my final and most important tip. You have likely just starved yourself for a long period of time, missing out on something that should be enjoyable! Enjoy meals with your family and friends, try new foods, go to new restaurants! Remind yourself that food is something that keeps you alive, and something that should be enjoyed, not something that should be controlled or restricted.
I am an eating disorder survivor, and I'll do anything I can to help anyone I can survive too.
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